Guilt, Grief, and Honoring the Dead

We might improve our understanding about grief's supposedly destructive features. Guilt keeps memory alive. We sure as hell don't forget feeling personally responsible for someone's premature death, rather than having pulled them back from destruction. There are so many ways to die and so many times for dying, but once dead there's no more chances … Continue reading Guilt, Grief, and Honoring the Dead →

On Grief Spectatoring

O, here they come. Hamlet, Act 4, scene 2 Described on a spoken word CD read by its author in the book Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture (Roxane Gay, ed.), Brandon Taylor's 'friends' on Facebook sent him wishes of "love and light" on the death of his abusive mother; then they follow all … Continue reading On Grief Spectatoring →

Depression: Grief’s Forgotten Middle Child

I texted advice to a patient's wife (typically to patient partners who must, perforce, be patient) after she thanked me for talking to him about how realistic he is in perceiving his situation, and how giving my considered opinion that he was right on time to be feeling shity and depressed. After our talk, he … Continue reading Depression: Grief’s Forgotten Middle Child →

Asshole Theory: Are We All Damned?

Let me tell you of a time when I worked in one of Chicago's psych hospitals. This was before 9/11, before the Internet, when our POTUS (exhibit A) was a mere serial bankrupt. The 80's were well upon us, B-movie Ronnie and his full-frontal race-baiting was hard at work converting one in four black men … Continue reading Asshole Theory: Are We All Damned? →

On Offering Consolation

Today I talked with two of my patient's family about their respective loss and impending grief. I don't exactly look forward to or enjoy this part of the job, but if I see their pain then I won't leave. Loss acknowledged and shared can still be bitter, but less. Neither of these dead and dying … Continue reading On Offering Consolation →