I read to my spouse from Anne Boyer's breast cancer memoir The Undying, on pg 29: "The breast surgeon said the greatest risk factor for breast cancer was having breasts." Then the surgeon -- a woman, mind you -- prohibits Anne from hearing her own diagnosis from her and other preliminary findings unless accompanied by … Continue reading Risk Factors
“Pre-Book Your Death Now”
Imagine letting life unfold, to playing at life until bedtime closed your eyes -- but only after a satisfyingly long story from an unhurried parent. Perhaps you're lucky enough to have experienced a Slow childhood. A Chris Ware drawing (as I remember it) a few years back showed a mother's bent-over face lit in the … Continue reading “Pre-Book Your Death Now”
Pls Advise We Stop Using
No one is asking for another's advice whenever this business cliché is invoked. After few times daily the week's word cloud of my job's emails would reflect more of a Dear Abby phone farm than a working hospice. Will I be able to switch dates with another who will be on vacation and unavailable for … Continue reading Pls Advise We Stop Using
Choosing a Quality Hospice
You matter because of who you are. You matter to the last moment of your life, and we will do all we can not only to die peacefully, but also to live until you die. Dame Cicely Saunders, founder of the modern hospice movement Don't count on treating your chronic disease indefinitely, or that it … Continue reading Choosing a Quality Hospice
Sound and Policing In Our Age of Incessancy
I lower the car radio volume, finally turn it off. I'm in the middle of a nurse's work day. From a set of unrelated morning notes, I wonder how to justify all the necessary head space nursing requires with the time I need to create a satisfying sentence. It costs the world ten gallons of … Continue reading Sound and Policing In Our Age of Incessancy
Unselfing
[W]hen the events for which the mask was designed are over, and I have finished using and abusing my individual right to sound through the mask, things will again snap back into place. Then I, greatly honored and deeply thankful for this moment, shall be free not only to exchange the rules and masks that … Continue reading Unselfing
What Are You Going Through?: On Paying Attention
The love of our neighbor and all its form simply means being able to say to him: "What are you going through?" It is a recognition that the sufferer exists, not only as a unit in a collection, or a specimen from the social category labeled "unfortunate," but as a man, exactly like us, who … Continue reading What Are You Going Through?: On Paying Attention
Difficult Conversations: Anatomy of “The Talk”
Revised. Originally from September 11, 2020 Last Friday at Summer’s end I met a fellow clinician at a patient’s home. He was what we call in hospice the Main Caregiver. I recognized how he wore his fatigue like a second skin. Excellent of skills and knowledge, this ICU RN stepped down to speak apart from … Continue reading Difficult Conversations: Anatomy of “The Talk”
Against Extremism
I'd like to argue for hope against losing our sights of the whole person who waives placards on opposite sides of the street during Pride month, or at abortion clinics, or during racism or gun rallies. I consider for perspective Robert Jay Lifton's Memoir Witness to an Extreme Century, along with his studies on American … Continue reading Against Extremism
Guilt, Grief, and Honoring the Dead
We might improve our understanding about grief's supposedly destructive features. Guilt keeps memory alive. We sure as hell don't forget feeling personally responsible for someone's premature death, rather than having pulled them back from destruction. There are so many ways to die and so many times for dying, but once dead there's no more chances … Continue reading Guilt, Grief, and Honoring the Dead
Hospice Nursing 1 Day at a Time 